Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
