She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
