Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your cock deserves a montage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
