capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
third nipple confirmed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
