it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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