If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
