How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
