first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
