Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
