i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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