we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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