Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
