We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
