i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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