hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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