you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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