Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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