he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
