remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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