Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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