you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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