at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
