how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
