Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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