my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
