I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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