Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
