that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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