I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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