just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
