btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
