you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
