my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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