I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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