I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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