but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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