No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
