Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
