I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
