can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
