You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize