So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
