3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
