She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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