fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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