I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize