worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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