I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
