it was like his penis was on wheels.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.