so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dating After Heartbreak
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.