You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.