It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea