my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"