put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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