I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
