hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
