R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize