I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
