whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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