I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
