Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
