My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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