You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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