the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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