Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
