Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I love you. Go after that dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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