playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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