Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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