I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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