why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
