Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
