What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
