He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
