I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
