you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
