Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
