I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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