I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
