Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
